If you sit in a truck stop long enough, you will hear some goof ball on the CB trying to liven things up by selling something. Sometimes, the items actually exist and are probably back in the sleeper berth or tucked away in the side box. Sometimes, though, the items are meant to amuse other drivers in the area, and don’t really exist. These are the items I wish to inform the reader of. If you are a fellow driver, you may know of some of them, or possibly made them up. ongkos kirim
Fifth Wheel Cleaner There will never be a need for fifth wheel cleaner because the fifth wheel must remain well-greased at all times. The fifth wheel is a large device attached to the back of the tractor for the purpose of hauling a trailer. It is horseshoe-shaped, and in the center holds a set of two “jaws” that lock into place once the kingpin has slid into the fifth wheel. The kingpin is a cylindrical piece of metal placed under the trailer to allow attachment to the tractor.
Tanker Load Locks or Load Straps This one is pretty much self-explanatory. If you put liquid into a tanker trailer, it will be sealed at the top via a hatch. There is no need for load securement devices. Any attempt would be futile because of the liquid surge created upon movement of the trailer.
Lot Lizard Repellent Okay, this one is a bit questionable. There is no actual spray to keep a lot lizard (truck stop prostitute) from knocking on your door. There are, however, a few methods to keep them from coming back. Use these methods cautiously. 1. Place a slightly dampened paper towel or tissue outside your door. This will tell the girl that you have already been serviced, and she won’t bother you. 2. Write a note on a piece of paper stating that you are uninterested (using your own words, of course) and that if anyone knocks on your door you will call the police. This one is great; I’ve used it myself many times, and it is a proven method. 3. Hang a pair of women’s panties in clear view from any window in the cab of the truck. This lets the girl know that there is either a woman or a faithful man in the truck and is not worth her time. 4. I must stress that this is very disgusting, but highly effective for pests that can’t take a hint. Without opening the front curtain, roll the window down just enough to stick your hand out. Then, take your “emergency toilet” from the trash can, open, and pour out the window. Guaranteed, she and any other lot lizard will leave you alone the rest of the night and any other night you park there. They remember truck numbers. 5. One that you can find in almost any truck stop is a “No Lot Lizards” sticker. This rarely works, and is probably a waste of money, except to make the wife happy when she sees it on the truck.
Dispatcher Brains I heard this one advertised as a health supplement once. It was supposed to make the consumer LESS intelligent, and took less time and money than illegal drugs. It’s funny because most drivers think that their dispatcher is retarded and can’t think for him/herself.
CB Resuscitator This one is used when your CB radio “dies” and you can’t get to a CB Repair Shop right away. It’s supposed to give your radio enough life to make it to the next CB Shop. Of course, this wouldn’t work even if it was real. You can’t shock your radio back to life, and would probably ruin it for good if you did.
Spark Plugs Okay, if you know anything about diesel mechanics, you know that a diesel engine doesn’t have spark plugs.
Sailboat Fuel Um, self-explanatory.
Muffler Bearings I’m not entirely sure what the whole idea is behind this one. I got the item from a friend who has been driving for about 20 years and is more full of crap than anyone I’ve ever met. But he’s a great guy if you ever need a favor.
Left-Hand or Right-Hand Smoke Shifters This is a great item to have when traveling through states with strict emissions laws. It will transfer the smoke in your exhaust stacks from one to the other, according to various state laws.
Instant Odor Remover Aside from the usual air fresheners (Febreeze, Lysol, etc.), there is no instant odor remover for body odor. This one is most definitely a myth. There is nothing that can ruin your lunch faster than standing in line to pay for your fuel or the ice cream that’s half-melted by the time you get to the counter than a putrid smell coming from someone in line; and they’re usually pretty easy to spot. They’re either dirty, unkempt, or on the portly side, and haven’t bathed in a few days. For those who have offensive body odor, take a fricken shower!!
I’d like to thank all the drivers who contributed to this article, but I can’t because I’m at home and they are running around loose through the countryside. Keep up the great work guys, and I’ll see you on the flip-side. Trucker up!!